Pressure: the need to release

On letting go, brokenness, and learning to relax.

When the pressure keeps building—at some point, you’ve got to blow.

It happened to me again this week.

God kindly showed me that I’m putting way too much pressure on myself: He let my brain erupt, spewing lava of stress and tears. I’m sure He’s been telling me that for a long time now, but it took the explosion to get my attention.

I’ve been taking myself far too seriously. It’s time to let go, to release some of that tension in my jaw and mind.

Since I don’t yet know how to relax (I’ll work on that over the weekend!?), I’ve started by trying to look at my situation from God’s perspective.

Using scripture and my general understanding of God’s character, I have prophetically written what’s like an inverse prayer, from God to me.

Here’s what I think God is telling me in this situation:

My dear child,

You’re holding on too tightly to what isn’t yours to carry. You’re piling up extra burdens—like bringing shopping bags in from the car—telling Me you can take more and more—but I know your limits.

Dear child, you are a human being. Although you are created in my image¹, you were also made from the dust of the earth.²

You have weaknesses. It’s hard for you to acknowledge them, so I’m showing you slowly. Remember that I don’t see things the same way as you. My grace is enough for you. My power is made perfect in your weakness.³

To rest is not a waste of time. I don’t waste anything; time spent in waiting and in-between is of immense value to me.

Slow down. Take a deep breath. I am closer than you know. You don’t need to clench your jaw that tight.

The depth of my compassion, grace, patience, abounding loyal love and faithfulness⁴ is beyond your comprehension.

Even in what feels like my absence, I am present.⁵ I have never left your side.

When you rely too much on your own willpower and strength, you will inevitably burn out.

You can’t always be the smartest, the quickest, the best. That isn’t what I look for. People may admire appearances and be dazed by accomplishments and ambition, but what I care about is your heart.⁶

There are no secrets from me. I can see that your heart is clouded with disordered desires.⁷

You don’t need to hide your brokenness from Me. I see you, and My love remains constant.

If you try to hide your brokenness or pretend you have it all together without Me, you are only going to hurt yourself with the lie.⁸ I have come to set you free from lies!

Dear child, tell me how you feel. I know it already, but I love you and I want to hear it from you. Confess your brokenness and mistakes, and change your ways. I am faithful and just. I will forgive your bent ways and wash you clean again with the blood of Jesus.⁹

You don’t have to go through this alone. I am right here with you—and, I have surrounded you with many other people to journey alongside you. You were made to be in community, so don’t be afraid of confessing your struggles and weaknesses to others, too.

Leave your distractions behind, and run away with Me. Come, dear one—come into the wilderness. I am teaching you to hear My voice.

Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.¹⁰

Release your tight grasp on control, and surrender it to Me. I am more than capable.

Love,
Your Father, the Prince of Peace.

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An update on my Experiments for Formation

As I mentioned earlier this year, I don’t have new years’ goals; I have Experiments for Formation™. That’s my very official title at the moment! :)

I’ve varied them each week, based on my capacity, enjoyment, and where I feel God is leading. Here are some reflections thus far:

• Light off by 10:30 pm: This may seem very early to you, but I am actually an English grandma who needs a lot of sleep. I’ve traditionally aimed for ten o’clock and kept missing it, so it’s really nice to have an achievable boundary here.

• Exercise: I’m not doing so well with this one. I’ve tried a few different things, but exercising is rarely something I enjoy, and I struggle to get into rhythms with it. So I’ll keep experimenting.

• NT Greek: What’s this? Bethany chose a language to work on?! Yes. I did. I made a lot of progress at the start of the year, but I’ve been too exhausted lately to consistently work on it. As interesting as it is, learning Greek is less vital for the functioning of my soul than my other experiments, so it’s often the first to be sacrificed—but I hope to keep going!

• 10 minutes of silence & solitude: What I mean by this is ten minutes of me laying on the floor, ‘only to sit and think of God,’¹¹ trying to focus on Jesus and spending time with Him. Sometimes it goes well, but my brain has lately been so hyperactive that it’s been hard to focus and remember what I’m doing. Therefore, I’m going to modify it.

I’ve dabbled in a few other practices too, but those have been the main ones thus far. Overall, it’s been good, and I look forwards to learning a lot throughout the year.

Thanks for reading!

This has been more ‘devotional’ than normal—I’m trying not to push myself much harder at the moment—so I’m letting whatever words come, come.

Please let me know if you know how to relax. I’m going to try spending time in nature and drawing and journalling this weekend—that sounds relaxing??

Anyway, thanks for reading. I really appreciate it.

Grace and peace,
—Bethany.

1. Genesis 1v26.

2. Genesis 2v7.

3. 2 Corinthians 12v9.

4. Exodus 34:6.

5. Here is a good podcast on this.

6. 1 Samuel 16v7.

7. To use the language of Augustine, and others.

8. 1 John 1v8.

9. 1 John 1v9.

10. Matthew 11v28 – 30, MSG.

11. As in the poem by Frederick Faber.